Finding Belonging: Award-Winning CBS News' Michelle Miller On The Secret She Hid Most Of Her Life

Award-winning CBS News Correspondent and co-host of CBS Saturday Morning, Michelle Miller, struggled to find belonging for many years.

After the murder of George Floyd, she picked up her phone and started recording her reaction and commentary as part of an assignment. Little did she know her story would resonate with so many and lead to a New York Times best-selling book called, "Belonging: A Daughter's Search for Identity Through Love and Loss.”

Michelle Miller joined CBS News in 2004. She has reported on stories of national and international importance. From presidential elections to the climate crisis, her area of coverage is wide-ranging, but her reporting around social justice has been particularly groundbreaking. From her coverage of the killings of George Floyd, Trayvon Martin, and Michael Brown, the Emanuel 9 Massacre in Charleston, to sexual assault allegations against Bill Cosby, Russell Simmons, and Harvey Weinstein, Miller has been at the forefront of CBS News' coverage of the protest movement involving these issues.

In this episode, Michelle shares insight into her book, ”Belonging: A Daughter's Search for Identity Through Love and Loss.” She shares how racism has affected her entire life. And she also shares how she found her confidence as a young reporter. It’s a fascinating episode.

Sh*t I Wish I Knew In My Twenties (SIWIKIMT) is a podcast dedicated to helping 20-somethings thrive in their twenties, not just survive.

Host Debra Alfarone knows how tough being in your twenties can be. As a high-school dropout turned-network-TV-correspondent, she learned most of life’s lessons the hard way. She overcame the odds and covered the White House for CBS News nationally. She now is the anchor of Local News Live for Gray Television and a National Correspondent. She’s also a confidence coach for young women in the TV news industry.

Connect with Michelle on IG at @MichelleMiller29

Transcript

Michelle Miller:

I believe there are far more people who would rather see you succeed than to see you fail because here's the deal. This is how I look at it. If you're winning, I'm winning, and if I'm helping you to win. You're gonna help me to win it.

Debra Alfarone: 

Michelle Miller is a national correspondent for CBS News, and a co-host of CBS Saturday Morning. She's got an Emmy, a Gracie, a DuPont, a Murrow. She's got all of the things and she is also a New York Times bestselling author. Yeah. Her new memoir “Belonging: A Daughter’s Search for Identity Through Loss and Love” is a New York Times bestseller. But even more than all of those incredible accolades, this woman, she's a leader. She is a friend. Ah, Michelle, I'm so happy that you're here.

Michelle Miller: 

Thanks for having me.

Debra Alfarone: 

Hey, I'm so excited. Your book, what was the catalyst for you writing it?

Michelle Miller: 

A story? Can you believe that? And yeah, a story of the ages - of our age, really, the murder of George Floyd was the impetus of this book, the catalyst really, I was assigned by Brian Bingham, who's one of the senior producers. He has a fancier title than that. But he told me, Michelle, we think something's going on with this. This killing in what we're seeing in the midst of COVID, in the midst of these marches, and people this really struck a nerve in a way we haven't seen and I know you've covered a number of these. And so I say yes, I said I've been covering these since the LA revolt, following the acquittal of the LA police officers, those LAPD officers who beat up Rodney King. And so I pulled out my phone, and I just started dictating for five minutes and it transcribed a script. I handed that script over with some minor edits to a producer, the producer said are you sure you want to say this? And I said, Yeah.

And then Brian says you sure you want to say this? And I said, Yeah. And so they aired it. Gayle King was like Wait, what did you just say  -what I said which really seemed to strike a chord was racism has affected me all my life, Born unto the city of unrest in the 1960s. I was adored by a father, who was a surgeon, and a mother, who to this day does not acknowledge my existence. And there was something that resonated with a number of people, one - a publisher at HarperCollins, who 37 minutes after the story aired, emailed me and said she wanted to publish my book, well there was a long list of other things that happened, but essentially it was the opportunity wrote itself into the book. And the person who helped me write the book is a wonderful human being by the name of Rosemarie Robotham, who is also amazing, right, and an amazing writer. So that was the catalyst.

It was a moment where someone heard me and they thought that what I had to say, and through my experiences, there would be some resonance. And there has been so much - you shared with me your story. And I cannot tell you the number of people, people I have known and I did not know their stories for years, who came clean and said, I don't talk about this, but my father… I never shared this but my mother….I’m going to go find them now. Or I've got to deal with this because now I realize having read your book that yeah, I've been dealing with this all my life and I was ashamed of it or I wasn't ashamed of it or I held on to the guilt or there are so many different there. There's so many elements of my story that rang true to other people's.

My origin story is that my mother and father were a clandestine love affair. He was married, he was Black. She was Hispanic. She worked with him in some capacity at the hospital, where he was a surgeon and she got pregnant and at the same time that she got pregnant, her family found out that she was dating an African-American. And there was something about that they didn't like and they gave her an ultimatum. Now this is all from my mother's side. Now, my father, my father never really discussed any details of the relationship or the circumstances. He just left it like this, your mother and father fell in love, your mother and father had you and then they couldn't be together, period. The end. That was it.

And these other stories came, you'll learn much later through my mother who I found, but whose family forced her to make a choice between him or them. They didn't know she was pregnant with me. So she told my father she was pregnant, he insisted that she had the baby. She did, she gave me to my father. And at two days old, my father gave me to a friend of the family. And they sent me to Birmingham, Alabama, because I was a secret.

And Birmingham, Alabama, because that's where his beloved sister was, she had five children herself. And so a very good friend of hers whom she trusted immensely raised me for the first six months, she had a daughter Margaret Trip and Joyce Trip, there was Granty, it was a self-made family, and it was Mr. Otis and I'm still in touch with Joyce to this day, unfortunately, everyone else is deceased. But for six months of my life, and, you know, through many other entities, I mean, I would visit them - this was part of my extended family. And, so at some point, my grandmother found out that I was alive. And that's the point at which she came to pick me up from Birmingham and bring me back home to Los Angeles, California. And my grandmother raised me until the point at which she got too sick to care for me, she died two years later. And so there are moments, the story is really about absence and how we deal with it, how we perceive it, how we engage it, how we long to rid ourselves of it. And how you fill voids, how you dream, how you pursue, pursue happiness. Yeah, how you pursue joy. And for me, I was very lucky, you say your mother was present, she was not absent, but she wasn't fulfilling your needs. And while my mother wasn't there, there were all these other women and men for that matter, to fill the void of loneliness, absence. And who gave me love. And I think for me, this book really is a recognition and an acknowledgement of family, and what that means, and it may not look a certain way, and it may not feel like quote unquote, normal to those who have a nuclear family. But it can be powerful.

And, I just wanted to cheerlead those people who in life, and who are still living, because so many are not, but I wanted to acknowledge how much I appreciate what they gave me. Because some people I don't think I gave, I don't think I recognized them for what they gave me. I didn't do it in time. And this is really an acknowledgment of that, and my shortcomings. And, you know, young people, we just are so selfish at times, and we're so insistent on what doesn't look right or normal to the outside world. And we don't recognize that that's what makes us who we are. And thank God, we have people in our lives that love us unconditionally. But I really wish I could go back and thank some of these amazing folks while they were living, including my father, and my grandmother, who I don't think I really gave a sense of appreciation for how much I now know they gave me

Debra Alfarone:

This podcast is all about some *beep* we wish we knew in our 20s and that's something that you wish you knew. I know I wish I knew it. But I think I learned it later in life that when you're looking at the closed doors, you're not walking through the open ones and so that's a good lesson for us to share with everybody. The story is about belonging and finding your place and it's an incredible story. I mean, there's no way that I can say, Oh, tell me the book. And you can tell it to me like this, you know? Now should you because it's too good to jam in. But I wonder, you know, your challenge of finding where you belonged - how did that shape you into the reporter you are today?

Michelle Miller:

I think more than anything, and as succinctly as I can say this, so part of what we do is discovery, we look to find the hidden stories, whether they're, you know, like, oftentimes, if something's hidden, there's a negative connotation. Someone's trying to hide something. I mean, all of that is part of us seeking truth. And so for me, especially since most of what I do is feature reporting now, finding the stories, the untold stories, the stories that have been neglected, marginalized, the stories that are now even under attack, this historical context of the presence of where we're living right now. People are assaulting history and assaulting, you know, how things happened. And I'm just….I believe in telling everybody’s story. I don't, you know, let's not edit out parts, because you feel uncomfortable. Like people living that history were made to feel uncomfortable, they're made to feel uncomfortable now for who they are and how they live. That's not all kinds of stories, but particularly acknowledging the stories that have often been forgotten or neglected or have been erased. I think that's my mission, sort of, like part of what I like telling stories I've never heard of I mean…what's so wonderful about it is people from various backgrounds, right, email me, they show up on social media and ‘I didn't know that, oh, my gosh, thank you so much’ or ‘it's really important’ I understand that, because then now this makes sense to me. And it's all about, like making our lives in the present makes sense. And I'm a big advocate of reminding people there is no other profession, with maybe one, the legal profession that is mentioned in the Constitution. And we have our own amendment. And it's number one, the first one. So anybody out there walking about, you know, people talking about the dismantling of the profession of journalism need to understand you start doing that, you start to dismantle democracy as we know it in this country. Because we are based on freedom of speech, and freedom of the press. And they go hand in hand. And you must acknowledge that.

Debra Alfarone:

My podcast is all about pouring into the next generation of women. And you know, I read your book, you know, I don't even need to read your book to know that I loved you. The second I met you. And you're just so supportive of people.

Michelle Miller:

Well, first of all, I just have to say that right back at you because we're girlfriends. I mean, we don't even really know each other. But I think that, you know, we have like, because we're all so vulnerable with each other. And we ask for it. We ask for advice. Counsel. We lean on each other. And I don't know if like, people have a real clear sense that that happens. Even at the network level. I believe there are far more people who would rather see you succeed than to see you fail, because here's the deal. This is how I look at it. If you're winning, I'm winning, and I'm helping you to win you going to help me to win. And look, that doesn't mean that there isn't like, yeah, little jealousy and envy and competitiveness and all that kind of thing. Yeah, I do. But you just don't deal with it all the time. I wish I got that story or I wish I had, you know, oh, why didn't I go about it like that one, I tried this. Like, there's always that. And, you know, I'm checking myself before I wreck myself, in many ways, I'm using this motivation to move to the next thing. But it's really a constant. I see it and so many of the girls, ladies, fabulous women that we work with, is that like, there's a constant of, that's not my season, or that's not my time, or that was not for me.

Debra Alfarone: 

I believe that little things happen along the way. Minor moments can be major moments. And one moment that stood out for me, because I'm all about those transformative moments in life. was when you met with that casting agent, and you wrote about it in the book.

Michelle Miller:

I was with a Howard University alum, who is friends with a lot of people I went to school with and she's you know, it's so interesting when people I talk to people went to school with you. They said, You know, you were two different people, you were the person who was like, you know, wearing jeans and T-shirts on the yard and you were very intense, you were going, you take care of your business. But you were still kind of this relaxed individual. But they said when you were on camera, well, man, you turned into somebody else. You turn into an investigative reporter. I was like, I have the voice, you know. And I was like, the person that I wanted to be like, what I thought I had to be, right? And when I think about that, because the meeting with the casting director came about a year out maybe it was a full year, maybe it was right out of college. And she had received a tape from me, I think it was a year after she received a tape, a demo tape. And she asked, she flew out from New York City to Los Angeles for the NABJ conference just to meet me, she could do it because she could write it off, I guess. But she wasn't going to come and she said I'm coming. I'm gonna meet you. She met me. I was nervous as all get out. I remember we're in the lobby of the Century City Hote, the Century Plaza I think it was um, and I just I was like a doe in headlights. I was so nervous. She said let me tell you something she said if your off air presence was as strong as your on-air confidence, I would hire you right now on the spot. But she said you're just not confident enough to come work at the network yet. You got to have nerves of steel and you have to have armor. Cause they'll eat you alive. And I thought, because I remember, Bryant Gumbel went to the network at 21, I think Jane Pauley went at 25, I'm thinking wow, they must have been killer. Right? Their confidence. But I'll never forget thinking that I completely blew my shot. Because you know, we're led to believe we only have one shot. One shot. And I just remember how crushed I was. Here I got my shot and I blew it. Yeah, and I guess for me it was more or less a release to some degree because well, I blew the shot, now I can just go on and just try and get a job. I don't know what that moment told me other than it wasn't your time. You weren’t ready and better not completely blow an opportunity than to just miss out on a moment.

Debra Alfarone:

You know, I have so many young women asked me about well, how do you become confident and how do you get to network and, you know, confidence is something that you build, I tell them and how do you build it? By doing things that scare you. That's my recipe for it. I was scared to death my first day at CBS. And I didn't tell anyone I was gonna be there either. I was like, Okay, I'm starting this today. And I didn't tell nobody. And then people were like, hello. I just saw you, ummm what? Because you know, they'll see you on TV. Yes. And I just couldn't tell anybody because I didn't believe in myself that day. Like, I just didn't at that point. I just didn't believe in myself.

Michelle Miller:

Flying under the radar, but it's Network Television.

Debra Alfarone:

Like what? What was I going to hide? Wha are you doing?

Michelle Miller:

I don't think of myself as being the perfectly polished person that I think so many people are. But I think those people are probably thinking the same thing. And, they're looking at other people.

Debra Alfarone:

Exactly. And here's what I think about being on air is that when you are just truly being you, that's when you shine because again, you're unique. You're the only you out there. And when people are trying to hold on to that, let me just do this thing very well. And perfectly,

Michelle Miller:

You know, it's funny, Harry Smith, I was talking to somebody about…I ran into a woman who used to work for Harry Smith, who was the anchor of the early show for years and years and years. And I was telling her about his last day at CBS. And he had done some of the most amazing work, I believe, the most amazing work of his career. He covered tornadoes in Tornado Alley and covered it in a way that I had never seen before. He was at the Arab Spring in Egypt. And I remember how he was so in the moment and so himself, I remember a man walking up and kissing him on camera during his live shot. It was such you know, things that you wouldn't expect. You wouldn't have expected that to happen to any other correspondent. But it happened to Harry because Harry was uniquely himself.

And I remember, you know, I wasn't particularly special, there was nothing. There was nothing like - put it this way. I wasn't one of Harry's mentees, there was nothing that like gravitated me toward him other than my sheer appreciation for his craft. And I remember going to his going away party and it was almost like I had to beg him to give me some advice. Um, I won't tell, I’ll tell you the whole story off-camera but he gave me such a pearl of wisdom. He said, you know, Michelle, you don't trust yourself. And I said, I don’t? He said, No. He said, You need to trust yourself. He said, You need to be you. And I was like, oh, okay, thank you. I was like, Okay, be me and do me.

Debra Alfarone:

And what did you?

Michelle Miller:

I must have. It must have gone through the thick skull. I mean, It's pretty amazing. I'm here.

Debra Alfarone: 

I mean, you're a New York Times bestselling author.

Michelle Miller:

That's the amazing part. Because I look back on the time that I've been at CBS News. And so many people aren't here anymore. Yeah, so many of my bosses, so many of my colleagues, so many, and there are, you know, various reasons why so many people have come and gone out, moved on, I mean, but the fact that I'm still working is my point, and that I'm still achieving, and that I'm still rising, I think is what I'm trying to say. And so are many of the other people, they just moved on to different places, but that the idea that you can, that you don't fail, and you don't, you know, you don't fail, I failed a lot. But that you don't fail. In your moment of climb, you might make mistakes and you may not be perfect, but people recognize that there is a gift. There is something special that what you give in your craft, and that's what we all are looking. We're all looking to provide something that the person next to us doesn't and that person is providing something that the person next to them doesn't provide, but that you don't want all cookie cutter sameness and division. Do you want people telling a story through their voice? And through their lens and through their prism of truth? But you want different voices? You want different styles you want it's the variety is what spices the mix.

Debra Alfarone:

Your kids, what did they think about the book?

Michelle Miller: 

Do you think they actually tell me?

Debra Alfarone:  

No, they probably don't. Okay, next.

Michelle Miller:

They’re teenagers. My daughter did say, Mom, the book was really good. I was like, thank you. She's like, Mom, my grandfather was kind of a player. I was like (nods), she's like, You kinda put his story all out there. Yeah. Maybe I said,

Debra Alfarone:

“I learned to read the way that air in a room might stir around me.”

Michelle Miller:

Well, that really stemmed from that story of my ninth-grade year. And ironically, one of my co-workers here is from the same area that where I grew up and he went to that same school with me, and he is my witness, because he was the person who actually instigated the conversation that opened with Oh, Michelle is Black, she'll understand. So Otis, and the young man who I had partnered with who I think we were starting, we I think we kind of dug each other. And we kind of liked each other. And we were partners in this graphic arts class. And we did our little little projects together. The stillness of the room that, like, literally when I tell you, the moment that came out of my friend, Otis Livingston's mouth was the moment in which this young man, it was as if there was a knife that just cut into the air and separated and separated the two of us because he was and I could feel it, you could feel it, it was the electromagnetic force that was surrounding us was off. And I turned to him, and I looked at him, and I knew in that moment, what I say here matters, and it is going to define who I am for the rest of my life, because I'm not going back.

It's this - you need to figure out who you are. So he's clear, because it was clear to me it was like, oh, there's something about my appearance that maybe is a little nebulous, folks don't get it right off the bat. And so I looked at him and I said, Of course, I'm Black. What did you think I was? And he said, Oh, I thought you were Jewish. And so I'm thinking, Oh, okay, well, okay, great. No, I'm not Jewish. Right. And we continued on. And then he treated me differently. From then on, he did not speak to me. did not ask to be my partner again, did not, did not acknowledge me. And, you know, I have issues with acknowledgment. So I was really angry. And I thought to myself is this what racism is like, what I just like, really, a label is gonna keep you from, okay, I'm wearing my label. That's what I was. I was like, I'm gonna bask in my blackness and my otherness. I'm basking in it, because you're silly. You are so backward in your thinking to think that, that makes me less than you. That makes me unattractive. That makes me all the things that you want to label a fight now, okay, I'm except I love it. And we put it on. And I'm embracing all of it. Because it's ridiculous.

Debra Alfarone: 

It is ridiculous. And here we are in 2023. In so many places, and I don't want to get you know, political…

Michelle Miller:

Racism is not political, it should not be political. Sexism should not be political. To judge people based on race, class, gender, socio-economic level, to judge them on who they choose to love. I mean, it's like I'm trying to like encapsulate who they choose to identify as all of that, that is none of your business. That is none of your like, you should be ok. They're human beings. And you making judgments on who they are as long as like if they aren't like…the only problem you should have with someone is someone who hurts someone else. Physically, mentally, emotionally. That's my right Do we consider that political when someone shoots someone, kills someone? No, that's wrong. That's what that's called. That's wrong. And, you know, we as journalists, we've got to start calling out these, these lies.

Debra Alfarone:

You have all of these sites that are banning gender-affirming care for transgender individuals, don’t want to teach about the real history of how this country came to be banning information from books in schools

Michelle Miller:

What is been taking place now has actually been taking place for a very long time. It was just kept quiet. So, neglect of history has been going on for 3-400 years. And there’s a saying - they call it history for a reason. His story is the victor’s version of events that wins the day.  And so the question is who are the victors in America? Let’s just deal with America. Who are the victors in America? And that’s the question we’re still trying to answer. And we could all be victors, it could be all of our victory to win in making sure that as a country and a nation continue to breed growth and opportunity for everyone. I don’t see how that’s political. Growth and opportunity and education and health and the pursuit of happiness. It’s in the fricking constitution.

I wish that people would open their eyes, their hearts, their minds to understanding everyone, to understanding everything, to understanding the unknown, and not be in fear of it.

Debra Alfarone:

I think your book does help open eyes, I think it does, because it opened my eyes to so many things. And I saw myself in your story even though we come from different backgrounds.

Michelle Miller:

I think the commonality of our humanity is that we want to be loved, we want to explore, we want happiness and joy. I mean we all want that, right?

Debra Alfarone:

So what is some ish you wish you knew in your twenties?

Michelle Miller:

That I was enough, that I was a badass back then. Here’s the bottom line, you are the only you you’re gonna be and get to be in this life and therefore either you embrace it or you don’t, and if you don’t embrace it, you’re not living a full life You’re not going to be the prettiest, you’re not going to be the smartest, you’re not going to be most accomplished….give it your all. don’t shy away. Make the most of it and just move through knowing that you’re enough.